do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
