im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
soo... how was my night?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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