I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I want to make a zoo with you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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