Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
