oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
