You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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