i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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