I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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