I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize