That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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