Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
