oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
