when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
