Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
