He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
