I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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