His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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