Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he was CRYING into my vagina
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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