Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
