I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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