You were right. It hurts to walk today.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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