i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
