how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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