K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
