I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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