He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
