Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
