I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
