Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I want a musical about memes.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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