Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we're making bets on your personal life
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
