sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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