in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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