jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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