What did we do last night that was yellow?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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