mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
