this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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