i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sext me about skeletons
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize