If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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