i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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