when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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