saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
