:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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