Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
