the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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