We won't sleep together?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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