Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
