oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize