I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
