I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
