I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
