So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
