It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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