She's JV to your varsity
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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