Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
