To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
