I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
