I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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