I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
