In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
True college students do jello shots in the library
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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