"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize