did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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