So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
