I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
