I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
