She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
