So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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