Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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