cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
