We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My Sexting was not on an AP level
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
