"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
