Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
