What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
