he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Randomize
