it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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