he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
