She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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