I heard we made out
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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